We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
