It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
