He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
