You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
