Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
