Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
it was like eating out sand paper
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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