DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Liz is crying about burritos again.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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