Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
