This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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