Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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