now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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