just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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