If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
