cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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