His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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