Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
