Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
