i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
