The maid of honor just puked.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
