The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
