I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
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