Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
