my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
