I just threw up on my dentist
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
