We won't sleep together?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
