i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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