My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
