apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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