like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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