help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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