you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
