im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
