oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
