I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
