Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
