I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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