Your tits are I can't wait for
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
