I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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