I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
