it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
