i barfeds in our rink
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
