how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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