I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
