I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize