She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Let's get the cat blown out
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
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