I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
