We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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