We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
