What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
