I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
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