just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I would fuck him just for his dog
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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