i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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