dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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