I look better un-naked...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
How does it feel to date your dad?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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