I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
