I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
