ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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