6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
