break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
All the doctor said was why
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
