i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
