his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize