my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
