I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
