I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
