You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
They have beer where we have blood.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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