Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
