it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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