He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
