Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
