I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
