PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
