3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
PANTIES FOUND
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