I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
love makes seman taste better
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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