wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
