I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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