Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
