Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
