How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
