The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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