You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize