i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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