she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
