and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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