Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
