win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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