If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
