Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
