Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
