Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
