I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
