sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
