I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
