Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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