She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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