I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
