so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize