if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
