my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
