I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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