i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
the liver wants what the liver wants
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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