Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
