the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
