I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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