The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
