you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize