turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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