I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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