Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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